Wednesday, May 30, 2007
World Tour For McCanns
The parents of Madeleine McCann began their world tour today by meeting the Pope in Rome. They are due to arrive in Spain next week and will continue on to Holland, Morocco and Germany. After that they will return to Portugal where they will return to the studio to record their new song 'Oh God, I Wish We Never Had That Meal'.
Thursday, May 24, 2007
Wheelie Bin House Smoking Pack Confusion
From next month house owners who wish to smoke in rubbish bins will need to pay for a household bin smokers pack costing around £300. In a confused statement a government spokesman said that the new law was designed to limit people's rights in an inconclusive manner so that no one would know how to challenge it properly. 'It's a bureaucratic nightmare,' said one man who had been fined for not emptying his ash tray on the correct day into his recycling bin within environmental boundaries.
Labels: bins, help, house packs, smoking ban
Monday, May 21, 2007
England's Glory for Cutty Sark
Work has continued on restoring the Cutty Sark in Greenwich to its original burnt out glory. The ship, which had previously been kept in pristine condition, was felt to be out of step with modern thinking on how history should be presented. A spokesman said the new 'charred and ruined' shell was more 'realistic'.
Labels: burnt, Cutty Sark, old, ship
Monday, May 14, 2007
Search for Kudos Continues
The reward for return of missing toddler Madeleine McCann has now 65 million pounds as celebrities from all over the UK donate money for fear of being left off the list of supporters. Richard Fairbrass, Arthur Lunn and Clive Sinclair have had their names added to the 265 celebrities already sponsoring the search for Madeleine. Donations from Jade Goody have been refused.
Labels: celebrity, jade, kudos, Madeleine McCann, money
Thursday, May 10, 2007
Things Can Only Get Gone
After ten years in power Tony Blair has finally said he will step down on June 27th. In an emotional speech the Prime Minister said that 'as interest rates rise, inflation soars, the NHS is in crisis, public services are a shambles, the war in Iraq gets worse and people's sense of identity is eroded away I say it is time to leave and let someone else take the blame. Preferably Gordon Brown but I'll take Cameron. Frankly, I don't care.'
Labels: blame, crisis, goodbye, speech, Tony Blair
Wednesday, May 09, 2007
'I Am Risen' Says Paris
Paris Hilton has shocked the world by endorsing a web site claiming she is the daughter of God and the rightful heir to the Heavenly Throne. The site, not created by Paris Hilton, also portrays Paris as 'sexier than Mother Theresa' and 'more alive than Princess Diana', but it is her apparent relationship with God and Jesus that has angered religious leaders around the world. In a statement on the website, which was in no way made by Hilton to publicise her lack of dignity in the public gaze, she added that 'I guess with Jesus being my brother and, like, God as my dad I can only, you know, do good in the world and deliver people from their dull, predictable and miserable pathetic lives, or whatever.'
Labels: God, insane, Mother Theresa, Paris Hilton
Tuesday, May 08, 2007
Police Just Not Sure
Portuguese police have admitted that they do not know if they are sure that if they think the missing 3 year old Madeleine McCann might not be not dead or possibly alive or not. Responding to criticism that they reacted too slow after her kidnap officers said that it was hard to understand foreigners.
Labels: children, kidnap, Portugal, slow
Tuesday, May 01, 2007
Prince Primed for Peace
News that Prince Harry is to be fired into Iraq has caused controversy within the military and media as well as causing widespread panic in the Middle East. The missile, whose warhead has been specially designed to encase the third-in-line-to-the-throne-soldier, will be deployed over Basra in an attempt to disrupt insurgency activity long enough for ground troops to erect a memorial to the Prince's mother, Princess Diana, in an effort to bring peace and stability to the region. No one was available for comment.
Labels: iraq, peace, Prince Harry, statue, warhead
